Thursday, 04 March 2004
 In a recent study by the NSF, scientists have linked neck
cancer to those unassuming trifles of life: T-shirt tags. While neck
cancer only accounts for .05% of all cases of cancer, analysts predict that the
ramifications of the link to the T-shirt industry will be huge. Hanes®,
for instance, has stopped production of tagged underwear, converting its
factories to manufacture “tagless” underwear in response to consumer demand for
non-carcinogenic underwear.
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Above: The new "tagless" t-shirts being produced by Hanes | The American Legacy Foundation, a non-profit organization set out to inform consumers against carcinogens like T-shirts, has issued reports that the T-shirt companies have known the link all along. They add that the conglomerates were unwilling to privy America to the information for fear of losing sales.
On the state level, Florida recently filed suit against the T-shirt conglomerates for knowingly putting their consumers in danger. State Justice Tony Bryant issued the following statement: “The fact that these tags cause cancer has been known for decades, only Big T-Shirt didn’t want you to know. We are thankful that conclusive evidence against them has finally come out.”
T-shirts have long been staple of American culture over the last century as a symbol of rebellion against longer-sleeved authority. Manuel Francis, a 43-year-old construction worker, told reporters of his life with the T-shirt. “As a kid, I always knew that T-shirts spelled T-rouble. But that was the allure! All the cool kids wore T-shirts, it was an image thing. Boy do I regret that now.” Francis is currently undergoing treatment for a ghastly tumor that has grown on his neck because of the tags.
The ALF is hoping the new study will spur interest and donations. They already have ambitious plans to start a campaign against the T-shirt companies, elucidating to teens the perils of the tags. One ad in the works will feature about fifty body bags dumped into the streets of Sarlsburg, WV. The ad then cuts directly to the sobering text, “Tags kill more people than lightning. Know the truth.”
The issue is even affecting election politics. President Bush is expected to address the issue in Oklahoma this weekend at a Republican conference, while Kerry already issued a statement while in Florida this week. “I will not tolerate selling to consumers products that can potentially kill them,” told Kerry to a packed auditorium at Bob Hope High. “I can assure you that when I’m elected president, carcinogenic apparel will be a thing of the past!” Kerry was then met with a deafening applause that moments later subsided to a few claps.
Scientists warn, however, that the link is still hazy at best. They encourage consumers to not change their habits until more conclusive findings can be made.
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alex
Written by Guest on 2004-03-27 09:59:18
WAHT THE F*** THATS FUNNY | hi
Written by Guest on 2004-03-26 12:35:33
dude, that was seriously weird. i wonder if any 1 fell 4 it . . . | I fell for it :(
Written by Guest on 2004-03-28 19:49:56
Cancer is forever... it's all I need to please me, scintillate and tease me...
No, I expect you to die!
Still remembers that fateful luge with my tagful Brioni,
Goodbye,
Hit me,
Laz |
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