Saturday, 21 February 2004
 For the time being, Truth and Beauty both are doing the job for Jeffrey Nolan, a Logan teenager who wishes to sidestep increasingly insistent pleas from his parents, the community, and his own conscience to choose and act upon a sexual orientation.Instead of having sex with people or jacking off to traditional images, such as scantily clad or nude women or men, Nolan has derived his pleasure from the abstract concepts signified by certain sexless objects.
“Budding trees, blooming flowers, the searing blue sky, Braveheart—why hasn’t anyone else seized on these?” Nolan wrote in an e-mail to HappyEmbryo.com.
A wistful, pallid boy of 18 years, Nolan has been masturbating approximately five times per day to sexless ideals since October, and says he plans to return neither to mainstream pornography nor to human relationships.
“I think it’s difficult for some people to imagine how [to masturbate to sexless ideals],” he said. “I know that. But when you think about it, the objective in any kind of sex is to arrive at an infinitely positive feeling—euphoria, in other words. You can do that by concentrating on any number of ideals. I did it to Success for a while, but then I began to feel really crass and shallow. And you shouldn’t feel that way. It impinges on the serendipity of it all.”
“I think this practice would have spared Keats a lot of anguish,” he added. “I know that I, for one, am never going back.”
Nolan’s parents learned of his habit when, while cleaning his empty room, they found pastoral poems and pictures of ineffably beautiful objects he had stashed under his mattress during his winter break. They since have expressed unmitigated outrage over his decision.
“I remember thinking, ‘Oh, God, anything but this,’” said Gregory Nolan, Jeffrey’s father and the owner of a body shop here. “This is an incredibly reckless route for Jeffrey to take. He’s constantly whipping out the Keats thing. Well, Keats sublimated those passions into his art. Sure, he died young, but he’s a legend. Jeffrey’s consigning himself to mediocrity by mindlessly indulging in and purging the most powerful feelings the universe has to offer. Me and him are going to tangle when he gets home.”
“I concur,” said Madeleine Nolan, Jeffrey's mother and an English teacher at Logan High School. “There are all sorts of cute girls at MSU. And boys! Why doesn’t he take one of them to his dorm, for Christ’s sake? It’s a fucking meat market. At least it was when I was there.” Only registered users can write comments.
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